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While asking them out before Z-Day would have resulted in them pointing you and hysterically guffawing while pantomiming vomiting sounds in the back of their throat, who’s laughing now? That means Easily lure your new lover to your bedroom with a piece of meat.

Then chain them to the wall like you’d always planned to do if you’d ever gotten a boyfriend or girlfriend in real life. Although taking bubble baths together is right out, there’s still lots of romantic things you can do with your new sweetie.

When she was done, a waving American flag appeared on the screen, indicating that her votes had been cast and recorded. If you buy online — and more and more people will do that this Christmas than before — you probably have seen those boxes and the "checkout" page where you can enter a "promotional code" or a "coupon code" and get a discount on your purchase. This one lacks the "mockumentary" style, but it could be good. The good news: The gap between male and female salaries is narrowing, with women now making .81 cents for every dollar a man does. In other words, it’s stupid fun, with a special emphasis on fun.

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As rigor mortis sets in, your lover will appreciate a sensuous massage.A heart shaped candy box filled with pulsating morsels of raw human flesh is the perfect gift to show you care — if you can’t find a heart-shaped candy box, how about just a heart? Do you remember what the angel told the shepherds the night He was born? ‘The angel told the shepherds good news of peace and great joy.’ ‘That’s right,’ said Mom. Halloween is filled with fear, meanness, and sadness.’ ‘I don’t understand, Mom,’ said Jerry. ‘Christmas is a time of happiness and excitement as we celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus.Even in the best of times, it was hard to find a compatible partner — now, it sometimes seems impossible!

But wait — why Dating the walking dead means never being not good enough for someone.Now you can transform Joe Shlub into James Bond or Mousy Miss into Slutty Catholic Schoolgirl.This one really should be obvious, but we’ve heard enough Deathhackers sloppily gurgling about this through mouthfuls of bloody soup to pass on a word of warning.Languid walks on the beach can be accomplished with a leather collar attached to a sturdy ten foot pole.And the zombie apocalypse is the perfect opportunity to have that obnoxious in-law over for dinner!Isn’t it interesting that with Democrats set to take over the House, and possibly the Senate — and with the prospect of investigations against the White House to come about as a result — that there should be a paper shredding company truck parked outside Dick Cheney’s house? ‘October 31st again and all the kids are trick-or-treating,’ said Jerry as he looked out the window in front of his house. ’ ‘The devil is very good at making things look wonderful on the outside that are wrong on the inside. ‘Many Christians haven’t been taught the true meaning behind Halloween. ‘When they gave Jesus the presents, the wise men knelt before Jesus to show that they honored Him.’ ‘What does it mean to honor someone? ‘To honor someone means that you show great respect for that person.