The mixture of shame attached with sex and my sexuality it engendered, and the anxiety of anyone finding out took a while for me to deconstruct. My parents still don’t know to this day (nor do I hope, will they ever). In fact, I never really made that much (I wasn’t very good), maybe £200 in total. I kept on doing it into my first year at university but began fazing it out.
For a very long time, I was terrified they would find out. This was partly due to becoming more confident in my sexuality I guess, or maybe I was just distracted by my new life here.
I can’t quite remember the first time I did it, but I remember what motivated it.
And anyway I had my get out of sex free card: The Period.In terms as delicate as elephant ballet (best of a bad job), I explained why it wasn’t going to happen.He asked if he could join in, we said no, he shrugged – ‘worth a try’ – and ambled off).Yet my booze-infused brain started to consider the possibility.In hindsight, this sandwich of grinding, snogging and groping must have looked pretty shocking to passing revellers. But of course it didn’t leave the dancefloor: I was, after all, holding the floodgates shut.
It’d been fun but we all knew it wasn’t going anywhere other than creating four very blue balls. When I saw one of them a couple days later after a lecture, there was not a hint of revisit to our almost-threesome.I would spend a couple of hours online in each session. It tapped into my exhibitionist side, although I never really understood the fetishes of some of my clients.Like feet, people fucking loved feet – licking them, sucking them. The weirdest one by far was this guy who had a thing for me putting fruit and veg up my bum.And on that conversation bulldozer I suggested we head back in to dance.We’d been upstairs about ten seconds when, to my complete astonishment, one of them grabbed my face with two hands and kissed me. ” number two firmly placed his hands on my waist, spun me around, dipped me towards the floor then kissed me hard on the mouth.My friends didn’t know at the time, they didn’t find out to a long time later.