It’s kind of like the Chicken and the Egg dilemma (which came first?
When you wait until marriage to have sex, you preserve some of your innocence — there’s a whole world of experience that you can still look forward to — and as a result you carry more of your idealism into your adult life.When you take that extra idealism — that heroic vision for who you can be and what you can achieve — and combine it with your grown-up ability to execute and comprehend, you can do truly great things (if you don’t let the voices of convention talk you into giving up first).When you start to get distracted, you will remember this great thing that you are missing — this favorite toy that you’ve willfully set high on a shelf — and you will refocus yourself, and drive ahead harder and harder…until one day you win it. Picture your heart as a container for your values and self identity. Picture yourself filling your heart with everything you love, everything you deeply care about, all your hopes and dreams, all your uniquness — all the qualities that make you special. Some people become self-destructive and actively try to rip out, destroy, and starve-to-death each and every last piece of goodness and nobility within them. People that wait until marriage take a different approach.Some people hold tight to their values, one by one, and defend them individually against outside pressures. They make a vow to themselves that represents the bulk of their core values, and then they reinforce that vow every single day of their life.As you grow older, you will live to see people get shot down in flames.
You will see friends catch awful sexually-transmitted diseases, and you will sense their sudden, inescapable devastation, as if they’ve been branded for life — and they have.
It will make you unhappy fast if you’re not doing something fulfilling. It will tell you that you should be better…that you should be more. Move the toy slightly closer to his level every time does something nice.
And the only way to make that voice leave you alone is to give it what it wants: go out there and do it; change your own little piece of the world, and that little voice will cheer you on. Once he realizes the connection between doing good and the toy moving closer, you will have the most well-behaved and obedient child on earth (so long as the toy stays important to him).
And you will hear a thousand times the lamentation “I really wish I hadn’t slept with him/her”.
All of these pains and more are things that you will bear close witness to in others, but never have to endure yourself.
These are the qualities of a nice person, a kind person, a loving person.