In this episode, meet people claiming to be sex addicts, their therapists, psychologists with conflicting views and loved ones who have been impacted by their partners’ behaviour.
Presenter: Jenny Brockie Follow @jenbrockie Producer: Niki Hamilton Follow @NIKIHAM3 Associate Producer: Joel Tozer Follow @jttozer Ken Fergusson says he’s a recovering sex addict whose life unravelled due to his uncontrollable sexual behaviour.
JENNY BROCKIE: Did you have relationships with women? It was mostly sexual ones or just a friendship with sex thrown it. I, I used this them basically, 85 percent I used the women. This has already spilled into my relationship with Jillian.One day I was in contact with someone from Perth and they'd just come home so I was chatting to them, that I wanted to see them on the webcam. I was really, literally begging this woman to get her clothes off and get naked on the bed basically. I actually asked him to come over and I wrapped it up in a letter, a goodbye letter and I handed it to Ken to say you need to go away and get yourself sorted because I can't do this anymore.JENNY BROCKIE: Now you talk about your book being publicised as confessions of a sex addict. JESSE FINK: No, no, I had a serious woman problem with it and when the extract was sold to the Sydney Morning Herald, they put the headline Confessions of a Sex Addict on it in big writing and I thought holy shit, no, this is not what I want.JENNY BROCKIE: So what do you think it was that you were?And so the objective was to fall in love but I wasn't going to say no to a sexual experience if it was being offered to me.
Um, and I wrote a memoir about this period and it was promoted as a sex addict and I actually had a serious problem with the label.Jesse Fink says he had sex with hundreds of women after his marriage breakdown.But he thinks sexual addiction is 'a crock of shit".He was begging this woman, he was, you're the only person that understands me, please just get your clothes off. JENNY BROCKIE: Why didn't you care about how they felt? However, the intimate connection that I needed and everyone needs in a relationship was not happening. GILLIAN ROBINSON: The reason I have stayed with Ken and there was small progression. I decided that we had to find someone who dealt with sex addiction. And so, um "¦ JENNY BROCKIE: Why did you think it was sex addiction? GILLIAN ROBINSON: No, because he doesn't wasn't sex with me. Effectively, he's only known lust, he doesn't know how to make love with a woman or someone he's emotionally connected with.One last time, I promise this is one last time, and she's saying no more, I'm not. KEN FERGUSSON: Because I had no emotional connection with them. JENNY BROCKIE: Gillian, how were you dealing with being with a man who wasn't making emotional connections? GILLIAN ROBINSON: I actually went on and did my research and there was quite a few websites, sex control and other things that came out of the States, and there was a lot of information about what identified the person as an addict and Ken ticked every one of those. JENNY BROCKIE: Did you think he might have just been self indulgent? JENNY BROCKIE: We're going to get onto these definitions and treatment a little bit later on but before we do, Jesse, I'd like to talk to you because you went on a three year sex binge after your wife left you.Gillian has demanded that Ken stop all virtual sex with other women, throw away the contact book and stop viewing pornography.