The most important thing to remember when trying to get back together with your ex-spouse is that you have to start over.From there, consider the following ways to reconcile after divorce: Your former spouse must be willing to reconcile with you.
Be careful with this new woman's heart." And of course, in the new rush of freedom -- enjoying meals, traveling, making love to somebody who didn't secretly (as well as not so secretly) resent me -- it was like being born into a new happy world. We introduced each other to new authors and film-makers and had strong feelings of genuine affection. She had wizened eyes; she'd been single for a couple of years whereas I was fresh off the production line. One day in the kitchen, mid-breakfast, she turned around with tears in her eyes and said, "Are you sure about this? You haven't experienced what it is to be alone yet, to be single." Tears streamed down her cheeks. It takes time for hope's innocent balloon to settle back to Earth. Forgive yourself for failing at all your youthful dreams of having it all. But if you play your cards right, you can get some. Coming out of a divorce -- especially after 17 years -- is like stumbling forward in a half-stupor, blind to what would be obvious to a child. Everything you see is filtered through multi-colored glasses -- first the dim rose of nostalgia, then the fuscia fury of injustices, now the blinding white light of possibility.If your ex-spouse despises you and won't have any contact with you - there's nothing you can do but move on.Reconciliation involves the work of both people because you can't make someone love you again.There comes a time in most everyone's relationship when you think about throwing in the towel.
And what if you do, but then your significant other wants you back? What if he swears up and down, back and forth, that that thing that tore you apart will never, ever happen again? Do you risk getting your heart broken all over again?Think hard about what it is that broke you up and whether or not it's something you can either forgive or live with -- because there's no 100 percent guarantee that it won't keep happening. Is it mostly because he's putting so much pressure on you? Consider whether you'd get back together if everything else in your life was going fabulously. Sometimes when a relationship is bad, we end up breaking up over some silly thing -- but that was really just the straw that broke the camel's back.If not, then you probably don't really want him, but just a relationship. If you're feeling remorseful because you ended it over a forgotten anniversary or an ex he contacted on Facebook, ask yourself if this is why you broke up. Are you both admitting and confronting what really went wrong as opposed to the "official" reasons for the split? Is what what broke you up something that keeps happening? Part of the conundrum of breaking up is that the ex can suddenly start to make all kinds of promises that whatever problems you have will never to change, he may simply not be able to. But everything you hear is filtered through the background music of your long marriage.The rule of thumb is that you need half the number of years that you've been married to heal before you begin a new monogamous relationship. Only after you are resituated in your new life and comfortable with your new self, then you may find a partner who will love the real you.The children are one of the biggest reasons why some people don't get divorced and is also a factor in getting back together.