It’s a cluster of self-limiting beliefs that holds people back from meeting new and exciting potential partners, whether it’s for sex or for relationships.
This is one of the most pernicious myths about dating out there.
Because sex is so much more easily attainable for women – or so the conventional wisdom goes – they have luxury of being able to define the standards which men must meet, wantonly cutting off men who are not rich, tall douchebags with square jaws and fast cars.Men feel helpless; they feel that they are forced to leap through hoops in order to win women’s approval and hope that she will pick him against all odds. In fact, not only is the idea that women somehow control all the power in sex and dating not true, but it’s a case of people asking the wrong question.The problem is that this falls under what’s known as the confirmation bias: the tendency to only believe evidence that validates an already existing belief. Before you start, let me forestall the inevitable “Great, so you don’t have to be hot, you just have to be powerful/rich/more talented than God”. They have passion in their life and know how to convey it. They can make women laugh, feel special without putting them on a pedestal and yet not come across as needy. Women are closer to true social equality than ever before: wages are growing closer to parity, women outnumber men in college attendance and are achieving leadership positions in corporations and government in ways that previous generations could only dream of.There is far more to attraction than looks – though they help – or being in the rarified 1% of money, talent or fame. And yet men have to do all the work when it comes to courtship.And to be perfectly frank, if all a woman wants is to get off, vibrators are safer, easier and aren’t going to use the last of the milk in their coffee the morning after.
The problem with asking this question is that it assumes that women and men have the same goals when it comes to sex.I’ve noticed that there’s a topic that comes up repeatedly when it comes to talking about dating issues, whether it’s about the problems with being a Nice Guy, online dating, or even just approaching new people: the idea that women hold all of the power in dating.They are The Choosers, the gatekeepers to the Promised Land, cruel temptresses who taunt men by being attractive and yet unavailable.As a general rule, men who are able to approach women aren’t too concerned about why women won’t make the first move because they’re more than happy to make the move themselves.Now to be sure: there are of women out there who will happily be the aggressor when it comes to relationships. But for the sake of argument, let’s look at women may not want to make the first move.Guys frequently get hung up on numbers; how many people have you slept with, how quickly can you get a woman to sleep with you. The problem is that men are viewing women through the prism of the male experience: the goal of getting sex as quickly as possible, as easily as possible.